When you make the decision to work toward a particular goal, dream, or desired outcome, it can often happen that everything falls apart around you and you end up feeling trapped or stuck in undesirable conditions, all the while wondering what in the world you did to deserve so much contrast (especially if it comes after you chose to better yourself or overcome an addiction). Those thoughts won’t help you, although this can be interesting to realize while you’re in the midst of the chaos and anxiously awaiting the calm.
During any time of transition, contrast will appear because the universe and the reality that affects you on a daily basis are rearranging themselves to bring your desires to fruition within your life. It may be a very indirect path, and the bigger the thing is that you desire, the bigger the change required, the more likely your life is to fall into disarray and contrast while you transition.
Why in the world does it do this? Why does it work this way?
From my current perspective of understanding, it may be to make sure you are in extreme enough situations that your instinct kicks in and you are more likely to follow your intuition because logic won’t get you anywhere by itself in times like these. Sometimes it takes extreme situations to get your attention in the first place, simply because we are not taught to pay attention, be mindful, or look beyond the surface of life experience. You may also be faced with intense challenges to overcome, and you may find yourself needing to get innovative with your solutions and options, learning more and more in the process and getting closer to the solutions and circumstances that will continue to foster your growth and evolution as a human being, or rather, as an eternal being having a human experience in this physical timespace reality.
This is actually currently happening within my own life, and the rearranging began in September of 2016, which is the month I became aware of my spiritual awakening. I began changing things for my own benefit, showing myself unconditional love, and it wasn’t too long before the shit hit the fan, so to speak. Codependent relationships quickly flew apart, tempers flared, accusations and lies ran rampant, and things escalated… until I stopped feeding the drama monster by defending myself.
While standing up for yourself is often necessary and you shouldn’t let people just walk all over you, there comes a point where things go back and forth (your move, my move, your move, my move, etc.) so much that each move becomes more about vengeance than about justice. I decided to focus completely on myself and the relationships that matter most to me: the ones I have with my children. While surviving domestic violence and spending five years as a drunk doesn’t exactly set a good foundation for parenting, it has set the stage for me to truly appreciate what was going on vibrationally in the background for my entire life, and why I always felt something was wrong despite surface impressions suggesting the opposite. This is the nature of emotional abuse; none of it happens on the surface. It’s very subtle and insidious, so it’s been a very strange feeling to wake up from this and realize that my entire sense of reality was based on lies, manipulation tactics, and delusional thinking.
Back to the present moment, and why your contrast is specifically designed for you to learn exactly what you’re meant to at exactly the right time, and of course to help manifest your desires in this physical timespace reality. There are things that happen in such a specific way that it’s almost as if they had been planned. The sequence of events, the way you respond or react to each step of the journey, the crises that have to happen to get your attention… all of this is by design, but not in specifics like you may imagine.
I can hear it now: “But what about free will?”
Your inner being is always trying to call you in the direction of your dreams, but sometimes you can’t leap to where you want to be from where you are (credit to Abraham-Hicks). There has to be a process, a sequence of events, to lead you to your desires becoming manifest. And this is a constant, continuous, fluid, ongoing process… as soon as one desire or realization is tangible to you in some way, you may begin to see things differently and your desires then evolve as you do. This process never pauses or stops; you are always creating, constantly, all the time, for eternity.
You are a soul, after all… and you have a body.*
*(Original quote appears in
A Canticle for Leibowitz
by Walter M. Miller, Jr.)
Experiential Evidence: The Accident that Might Have Killed
My oldest daughter had just turned a year old, and it was December 30th, I believe. My parents had been invited to Spokane by extended family for New Year’s Eve, so they asked if they could take my baby girl with them. I was grateful for the break for a few days because I had to work. I was a delivery driver for Domino’s at the time, a job I really enjoyed for the most part. So, my parents came and picked her up and headed toward the mountain pass to go to Eastern Washington with my little girl, and I stayed behind to work in Western Washington.
That same afternoon, my roommate at the time asked me for a ride across the overpass to where she worked because it was getting extremely cold outside. Of course I agreed; I wouldn’t have wanted to walk in that cold, either, so I drove her to work and dropped her off. I headed back and stopped to yield to oncoming traffic so that I could turn left onto our road; there was no turn lane at this particular point on the road I was on, so I was stopped in the regular left lane. As I sat there yielding to oncoming traffic, I looked in the rearview mirror to see a dark blue pickup truck barreling toward me way too fast and I froze, already realizing what was about to happen but freezing in the moment as far as what I should do.
I had never been that angry at anyone in my entire life up until that point. I slammed the broken car into park, threw open my door, got out, and stalked over to this guy who was standing there with his mouth wide open. Without any consideration for anything, I got really close to him and yelled, “You are so fucking lucky that my fucking baby wasn’t in this fucking car!” I was at once shocked and relieved, pissed but elated, and this conflict had me shaking, trembling with adrenaline and gratitude and anger and relief.
There were some words exchanged and the details of this part aren’t important, but I called my dad while they were on the road to let him know what had happened. He ended up turning around and coming back, opting to skip the travel after all.
Shortly after that, I called in sick to work and it started snowing.
After a while, my dad came to pick me up with the truck so that he could take me to the ER to make sure I was okay and didn’t have any serious injuries. After we were done, we went out for a cup of coffee and there was at least a foot of snow on the ground. As it turned out, had they gone on their trip, they would have been snowed in and stuck over in Eastern Washington for at least a week with my baby girl, and if they hadn’t begun the journey then she would have been in the car and gotten crushed in the back seat of my ex-husband’s car by the giant subwoofer he insisted on having installed over a year earlier.
How does such a tangled mess of coincidences just happen? I don’t believe it does. I believe that this was definitely divine intervention. And when we pay attention to our everyday lives by being present in the moment and practicing mindfulness and awareness, we become privy to more and more little signs, hints, and invitations from the universe and our inner being or soul essence.
So, what happened the first time I left Tennessee? A ridiculous mess for me to deal with, in short! However, that diminishes the magic of it, so I’d rather tell you the whole story.
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